Sitting in my favorite chair, feeling the weakness of post-flu recovery, I have reached the point of total boredom. I do not like to sit around.  (Sometimes we are forced into rest, when we haven't been obedient to the Sabbath Rest our Father calls us to.) So in my lethargy, I have decided to list some of the things I love.I think I will start with "w".  I would love to hear back from you, the things you love.

1. Walks with my grandchildren.
2. Watching the stars form the top of a mountain.
3. Weeping willows.
4. Wisteria in full bloom.
5. Wonders of fresh-fallen snow.
6. Willing hearts that serve.
7. Wakening to the smell of fresh hot coffee, brought to me in bed by Jackie boy.
8. Whispers of wind through the trees.
9. Whiskers on kittens ( I couldn't resist:))
10. Warbles of birds in the early morn.
11. Wide open spaces of West Texas and Montana!
12. Wacky friends who make me laugh.
13. Warm chocolate chip cookies. Yumm!
14. Western boots.
15. Western hospitality!
16. Wandering aimlessly with camera in hand, looking for that perfect shot.
17. Waterfalls, enormous or small trickles.
18. Woven tapestries
19. Welcoming hugs.
20. Wood-burning fireplaces.

new computer blues

I recently purchased a new laptop that is amazingly fast has lots of memory and fabulous camera and speakers. It is light weight so when we fly I will not be struggling to carry it. So what am I griping about?  I have to learn once again how to use a new operating system.  No longer using windows xp now using windows 7.  Now I realize that my 8-year old grandson will figure it out in 24 hours or less! This only adds to my frustration! I never felt stupid before. I used to even think I was kind of smart.  But I am humbled beyond words! 

Thank You , Lord for sending me a friend who is computer savy!! I think I may have had my head explode if You hadn't!

Thank you, Billy for your generous heart and compassion for this grammabanana!

Grief

“Please wait, Mom!”

As I drove furiously to the hospital,

Willing my truck to fly,

I was begging my mom not to die.

“Lord, please, let me get there in time!”

Desperation.

“Why did I leave her alone last night?”

Of course, I couldn’t have known.

Last night her breathing sounded easier than it had in days.

Pneumonia.

I hate that word!

Finally, I arrive.

I rush my way to the ER.

Jack comes to greet me.

His face stricken with the look that says to me,

“She is gone.”

Jack and the doctor lead me to the room where she lies.

We stand together, looking at the shell that once held my precious mom.

Inside, my head, I am screaming “Go away!  Leave me alone!”

I want to throw myself across her body and sob and cry and moan.

But we stand there in silence.

“Well, that’s that.” I calmly say.

We turn and walk away.

I hear my mother’s voice, “You know that I’m not here.”

And my head knows she’s right.

But my heart is not ready to say goodbye.

Hope in God!

“He will satisfy my soul in drought." Isaiah 58:11

We all have times of drought in our lives.  We either stay face to face with Jesus or we appear to shrivel up and die.  God has given us a million and one examples of His love and mercy and awe if we can just stop look and listen!  I think of the desert.  When the rains cover the dry, thirsty land, the desert is awash with glory!  Jack and I had the privilege of ministering in Phoenix, AZ in the spring one year.  During an early morning walk, I could hardly take in the beauty of the flowers and fragrance in the air.  It overwhelmed my senses.  At the church that day, I began my talk with the raptures I was feeling about the Arizona desert.  Several people laughed and shouted out, “Just come back in the summer!  You’ll change your mind!”  I think of that when I meditate on this scripture.  The wonderful mercy of God is that, in Him, we never die!  Even if we go through times of drought, we are born of imperishable seed.  What hope that gives me.  Even if I totally screw up and don’t stay in that place of trust, the place of living streams, the worst that can happen is that I go dormant, waiting for the time of refreshing.  He satisfies me either way.  When I am walking in that face to face place, I lack nothing and radiate like those flowers in the desert.  He provides the satisfaction.  In the dormant times His love still covers me.  In Jesus Christ, we cannot lose! 

Conceptions

You know how we sometimes wonder, what makes so-and-so tick?  The heck with that, I want to know what makes ME tick!  Sometimes, just the simple act of getting my thoughts down in writing brings massive revelation about my deepest self.  Sometimes, I feel like I am wandering in a fog, but always, there is a release that comes, just from letting the words flow.

I love people.  People are the most beautiful expression of God.  While I can sit for hours in the outdoors, lost in rapture, gazing at a glorious vista or entranced by the beauty of a flower, there is nothing that compares to the mystery that is humanity.

Last weekend, Jack and I were so privileged to lead a worship event in Houston, TX at a church that had a profound impact in our lives in the early years of our life together, the Church of the Redeemer.  The place is a portal to heaven.  I cannot find words to describe the feelings that were evoked as we all came together.  There were people there who are still members after all these years, people who had been members there in the past and people who had never been there. We were made into one Body in worship.  There were people who came, broken, wounded and suffering with illness and pain, who left whole, healed and restored!
It was profound.

I am blown away by the beauty that is humanity.  It so far surpasses all the rest of creation!  People become glory in a hug. We become beauty as worshipers.  We glimpse eternity in the generations, as we pass the torch of faith to our children.  As I meditate on these thoughts I begin to understand who I am am in my inmost being.  I am a lover.  I am an adorer.  I am a rock, because the Rock is in me.  He is our greatest fan.
He is the One who makes us tick!  He leads me out of the fog and onward to higher heights day by day.

Thank You, Jesus.

A Poem for Nancy

I read a simple prayer today, written by a friend.
Her sentiments revealed her wisdom, causing me to bend
My knees before the God I love.

Thank You Lord for treasures, that come in human form;
That bring us words to lift us up to places that transform

Our hearts to His, our God of love.

Your Sushi is on the Way!!

A few weeks ago, I was visiting my son and his family. Our precious granddaughter had popped in our house and, as was her habit, she opened the refrigerator door to see what grandma had to eat!  I enjoy introducing my grandchildren to unusual foods, and this particular day she saw sushi. Kayla loves sushi!  It was late in the afternoon and I knew her mom, Kathleen, was fixing a yummy dinner, so I said, "Kayla, you can't have the sushi now, but when I come back on Thursday, we will eat sushi."  She was a little disappointed to have to wait, but she knew that Thursday she would get her sushi, because I had promised.

The following Thursday, Kathleen and I were at the grocery store before the kids got home from school. I remembered the sushi. "Oh! I owe Kayla sushi!" I exclaimed to Kathleen as we were getting ready to leave. "How on earth can you owe her sushi?" Kathleen asked quizzically. "Because I promised her," I replied. 


Suddenly, revelation came!  Kayla always opening my fridge was like the way I am in God's Word. I am always opening it to discover something good to eat. I devour His promises. I realized that all the promises He gave us through His Son, Jesus, and His action at the cross and resurrection, are mine! God's heart towards me is even more overflowing than my heart towards Kayla. I felt I owed her because I promised, and she felt secure in the knowledge that she would get her sushi on Thursday, because I had promised. How much more does God want to give us His promises?  I recognized the love I felt in the owing; and it cannot compare to the love He feels in the "owing!"  


Please don't misunderstand! I am not saying we come to God and say,"You owe me! "  I am saying He loves so much, that He longs to fulfill all His promises. You can count on it! Just like Kayla had her sushi by faith on Sunday and for real on Thursday, so we have our promises by faith at Calvary, and for real today! Your sushi is on the way!!!  Blessings, Anna Marie

Another Lesson Learned

Running has been a marvelous teacher for me in my adult life. I started running in my mid-20's, as a break in my day from being a young mother of two young boys. When I first began, I ran with friends. They were more experienced runners. They encouraged me when the going was hard. We didn't run more than a couple of miles but I thought it was really a huge feat!  I enjoyed the growing sense of well-being and as the months and years went on I began to run with other more enthusiastic runners. They challenged me to run farther and faster.  I began to enter fun-runs and learned the joy of the runners community!  This is how our Christian walk can be. As new-comers to the faith, we are blessed if we have more mature disciples to help us along, encouraging us in our walk.  There is a risk, though that we might never grow past the simple run, that we not press onward to a higher level of faith. Thank God for those who can challenge us to grow in our faith, that like Peter, to get out of the boat and try to walk on water!

Eventually I had grown as a runner so I did not need to always have someone with me to keep me running. The joy of the long, lone run became the most precious time of my day. It was on the country roads that I began to have deep conversations with the Lord. Parables upon parables would come to mind and I grew spiritually. Maturity in the Faith is built on that precious time, one on one with the Lord. Just as I looked forward to my long runs, I looked forward to the  precious alone time with my Lord Jesus!
I learned about perseverance. I learned about discipline. Meditation became easy.  I experienced the spirit, soul, body connection as never before. Then I was injured.

I had never even given my knees a thought in the 20 years of running.  I paid the price. When I twisted my knee at the end of a marathon run, I discovered I had neglected to strengthen my knees. It was an area lacking in my training.  I learned that the body needs complete training. Every muscle and joint needs to be developed. There needs to be balance. When I neglected to train all my body, I opened myself wide to be injured. Similarly, in the walk of faith, even mature seasoned Christians can be injured. Pain can come from any direction and totally blind-side you if you are not prepared. My greatest injury was the death of my son.  What I discovered over the years was, even with all my training as a Christian, I had not learned to dwell in the secret place of the Most High. (Psalm 91) I didn't even know what it was!

Sometimes injuries can take years to recover from.  That was the case for me.  Recently, my knee was completely healed through prayer. Similarly, after several years of agonizing over the loss of our son, through prayer I received understanding on how to live in the secret place, under the shadow of His wing. It is the face to Face place!!  I got back on track with my faith! And after 10 years of being sidelined from running,  I was on the track again and really excited about returning to running.

Then I did a stupid thing.  I tried to walk on the rough outdoor track carrying an 18 month-old. As I held her, she created a blind-spot and in an instant, I didn't see a hole and boom! Down we went. Praise the Lord, I was able to twist and keep her from being severely injured!  But my ankle broke and here I am again, recovering from an injury and out of action.

I have had some time to think about all of this as I gimp around on my grotesque, green cast. (I really was hoping for a pink one!) What God has shown me is I am not supposed to be carrying the burdens! I am supposed to lay them at His feet.  When I carry the burden it creates a blind-spot. I can not see clearly the path that I am on and so can be easily tripped up. Sometimes other people's problems can create soul-ties. Their issues touch a place in our souls that are in need of healing and before you know it, crash! Down you go!

Thankfully, I have taken this time to really press into the Lord for spirit life. And I have remembered to train the entire self!  I have joined a gym and have renewed my mind with the Word of God.  I am praising the Lord in all things and looking forward to each new day.  I am glad this life is a journey not just a destination! And how wonderful that every day is a new beginning in the eternal!!  I am soaring!

Blessings, Anna Marie

Healing for Relationships

^{Matthew 5:44-48 
44}But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,⁴⁵that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. ⁴⁶For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?⁴⁷And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? ⁴⁸Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

Jesus is radical.  He has called us to a higher way than we are able to walk in, without His Spirit leading the journey.  I was meditating on this passage this morning before I heard the news that a church in Florida is planning on burning the Koran on 9/11.  I was so grieved to see something like that associated with Christianity, and by association, my precious Jesus.  We are not called to fight evil with evil! 


Usually, this is how I think about this passage.  Loving the clearcut enemy.  Sometimes it is almost easier to love the enemy at large, but what about the times when those close to us act like enemies and say and do hurtful things?  When I think of the incredibly high divorce rate, even among Christians, I can see that we have a hard time living out this passage.  My gut reaction when I am attacked does not always come close to Jesus' admonition. And those times when I am able to bless instead of curse, love instead of hate, I find that I get proud of myself! Is there any hope?  I can only see one way:  I must love the Lord, my God, with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and all my strength, and love my neighbor as myself.  And who is my neighbor? In this shrinking world, for me, it is everyone, but it begins at home.  Evil is not people. Evil can be embodied in people, evil can live in me. But Jesus died for each and everyone of us. He in His infinite mercy knew we couldn't do it.  Thankfully, when we invite him into our hearts and lives, He comes in and empowers us to love as He loves.  
Thank You, Lord Jesus. You have transformed my day, once more.  Once more I recognize my deep love for You and my never-ending need for Your grace.  I love you, Lord

Focus!

I am really enjoying getting back into running!  Ten years ago, I hurt my knee at the end of a marathon I was running to help raise money for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society in honor of my young son. Stevie bravely fought, but lost against leukemia, for three years.  I am just now able to run without pain in that knee. Wow, how time flies!

Running was a meditative experience for me, and truth be told, probably saved my sanity in the year after Stevie died. I would run everyday for over an hour singing "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" at the top of my lungs, over and over,  because I could not pray, I could not weep, I could not smile. The singing enabled me to focus on God and not on my grief-stricken heart. The truth I have deep in my soul from that experience is that I know that no matter what happens in this life, "God's Truth abideth still!"

Friends and family have asked my how I could still believe in a loving God when they know what we went through with Stevie. It is hard to put into words. It is in an infinite number of ways that He shows me that He is there, and that He cares, deeply!  Most are intangible. I am always lifted up by the writer of Hebrews in chapter 11:13 where He says,"These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth."  And again in Hebrews 11:1, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  Somehow, when we ask, God places this incredible hope inside our hearts. You can't deny it. It is so real. And then there is the all-consuming Love!....Try as I may, I have no words. I just know He is there.

Every now and then, however, God blesses me with something tangible and usually it is in a humorous way.  Last week I was running/walking out near our country place. I was praying and whining to the Lord to please help me focus more on Him. Suddenly from behind me, zoomed a car. It was a Ford Focus!  I laughed. I was reminded of the Nike slogan, "Just do it."  He was saying I already had the ability, just focus. And do you know? I did!

So, now I am running again (Still more walking than running, but I have my eyes on the prize!) It is helping me to focus on Jesus and on His great love.  It feels like I have turned a corner and am going in the right direction.  Just think, the starting place of an earthquake is called the focus!  Look out world!

Oh to Have a Heart Like Jesus!

I was reading in Matthew, chapter 20, about the parable of the workers in the vineyard. Jesus is illustrating the heart of the kingdom of heaven. As many times as I have read this parable, my usual selfish response has been, "It's not fair." I have always been convicted that I do not have a humble servant's heart. Jesus is so merciful and works so patiently with me.

It' a difficult story. But as I began to look at it through the eyes of those who stood around waiting to be hired, I started getting a different perspective. Supposing that all the laborers are living paycheck to paycheck; the ones who were hired early on are working hard, but have the peace that comes from knowing their families will eat that night, that their needs are met for that day.  The others have progressively less peace and more fear and perhaps hopelessness. So even though they are not physically laboring, they are emotionally and mentally laboring; wondering how they will take care of themselves and their loved ones.

This gives me a different sense. It's not that I feel better because the un-hired workers are stressed all day, but that I know I would certainly prefer to be in the first group- working and resting in assurance.
That's how it is in the kingdom for me. I am so glad to be in, and be laboring for You Lord, knowing the peace and assurance that You give about the future. When I see the trouble, sorrow, fear, torment and hopelessness in those who don't know You, oh how I rejoice in those last minute conversions!  I cannot begrudge even a little bit, the reward that they will receive from You.

Thanks for understanding me, Lord! Thanks for giving me a new heart. I am ready to get to work!! 

Not retired! Re-fired!!

Today was a turning point in my life. Sitting on my friend's back porch sipping coffee with another dear friend opened my eyes (once again) to the power God placed in women and the love He wants to pour out through us to each other.  We had opened our souls to each other and shared deep things.  We were comfortable in each others presence and sensed a connection that comes from the love of the Lord and the willingness to be vulnerable.  We moved our coffee clache  into town to meet three other beautiful women at Larry's Mexican restaurant, the place to meet in Richmond, TX!!  As we met for one short hour over chalupas and tacos,  God knitted our hearts together in a powerful way. Friends of 45 years and friends of 45 minutes became friends for life!

So what was the turning point?  I realized that the ministry God had called me to years ago was found in these relationships.  As Frances and I drove home to San Antonio, we both knew we were supposed to have retreats for women, helping them though the loss that comes to us in life. The collective wisdom that is in each of these lovely ladies is needed for the next generation!  Look out world! Here we come!!

Be watching for information on our first retreat! It will be somewhere in Texas, sometime in the Spring! 

Singing to You!

I woke up this morning singing, "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love!" It was just ringing in my heart! God is not mad..he is desperate for us! Can't you hear Jesus' heart as He wept over Jerusalem? He longs for us!  Jesus said, "If you have seen Me you have seen the Father."  He is calling us to tell everyone!  Jesus is coming, wake up, wake up!  He loves you with an eternal love. It is the forces of the evil one that want to kill steal and destroy! Don't attribute evil to God! He is love and mercy and kindness and peace and joy and gentleness and goodness and faithfulness and self-control.  Don't be deceived by voices that would bring fear into your hearts! If you being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gift to those who love Him!! Worship the Lord! You will find Him there!

Love and Blessings to all who pass by! Anna Marie

From Here to There!

From There to here, from here to There,

God's healing power is everywhere.
He gave His law to help us know
The depths of brokenness we show.
We couldn't keep it, no not one;
So Abba sent His only Son.
He came.  He lived.  He kept the law.
He washed my feet.  My heart is raw
With love and passion for this Man,
Who came to show me who I am;
A broken vessel at His feet, but
Through His love I'm made complete.
So I can go from here to There,
Because Lord Jesus takes me where
I learn the way that I must show
The love of God to those below,
And I must go from There to here
And tell them that God's love is near!

By Anna Marie Sheffield

Learning to Blog

Believing
Life
Obliges
Gallant communion! 










There is so much to learn!!!!!!!!

Just You!

You woke me up this morning, Lord, and I realized You are all I want.  Nothing matters but You.

The enemy of my soul would love to shut me up, shut me down and bury me.  He never learned his lesson.  I have your resurrection power in me, so I'll rise again!

Thank You, Jesus!

Today, I just want You!

Saturday's Sublime

Work, work, work all week is fine.
But Saturday's here and freedom's mine!
I love to work, I won't repine.

But Saturday's sublime!!

Be Still and Listen

It's hard to be still and listen. So often all I hear are the noises around me. The air-conditioner. My stomach growling. It's amazing how noisy my body is.  But You know my heart, Lord.  My greatest desire is that You be my greatest desire!

How would my life be different if you were?  You want me to be an insider.  You want me to have a fullness that is the complete opposite of loneliness; a confidence in Whose I am, and who I am in You; a holy boldness.  You want me to be so loved that I am love.  Love conquers fear, covers sin and never fails!  Love bestows beauty and grace. Love envelopes and indwells.  Love never stops giving because it has no end.  Love sees the treasure in another.

You want me to raise the dead.  There are so many levels of understanding.  Literally, I want to pray for babies and children and see them made  alive.  I want those things that You have created in me to not be aborted; to not be brought forth through pain and sorrow, but birthed in joy!

What is the opposite of lethargy, stress, and depletion?  Energy, enthusiasm and abundance.  These are You desires for me and for Your family!

Thank You Father that You are creating in me a perfect reflection of Your Son, Jesus.

This or That?

This or That?

Pressure, stress, anxiety;
Feelings of inadequacy assault my soul at every turn;
Waking every day in dread.

"Be still my soul, the Lord is on your side."

"Capture, bless, be found in Me;
You can do all things through Christ, stand firm, stand firm.
Don't let fear inside your head!"

"Be still my soul, the Lord is on your side."

Proverbs 12:25:  "Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad."

Election Day Blues

Waiting.
     Pages rustle
     Doors slam
     Carts squeak
     Toilets flush
No one comes.

Waiting.
     Shoes scuffle
     Teachers teach
     Students stare
     Stomach grumbles
No one comes.

Waiting.
     Air conditioner hums
     Chairs scoot
     Lunch room smells
     Truck backfires
No one comes.

Waiting.
     Door opens
     Old man enters
     Wants to vote
     We assist
Only one.

Waiting
     Need to stretch
     Day is ending
     School's so quiet
     Feeling sleepy
No one comes.

Waiting
     Constitution shredding
     Freedom's going
     Taxes growing
     where were you?
No one came; don't complain.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Good Friday.  I was a little embarrassed before the Lord this morning as I looked at my first journal entry, and realized my first thought about this most Holy Day was that I was born on Good Friday.  I was remembering my brother and mom joking about me having two birthdays every year.  My brother always wanted me to get a birthday cake on Good Friday as well as April 16th.  (Miss you, Hal)

As I returned to my purpose for journaling, which is to talk to the Lord and to hear His voice, I began to apologize to Him for my self-centered thoughts.  He is so kind.  He simply said, "It was a prophetic birth."
I was startled. "What do You mean, Lord?"  Silence.

Feeling the need for coffee, (Starbucks, each cup freshly ground, real whipping cream and sweet... mmmmm,)
I left the journal moment behind and headed to my kitchen.  As the water poured into my Melitta coffee filter (And no, I am not getting any $$ from these companies.)  I got it!  I get my best revelations from the Lord as I get busy. Must be the ADD!

Good Friday is my birthday!  It was in Jesus' death, that I received my birth.  Hal was prophesying over me. I really do have two birthdays.  April 16th I was born of water.  Good Friday I was born of the Spirit.  I chose to follow Him.  The candles on my cakes shine more light every year.   I rejoice in that: more revelation, more glory, more joy!

The Good News is you can have two birthdays every year, as well!  If you are His, you do already. If you haven't made that choice, just do it!

You may say, "I don't believe in an afterlife."  "I don't believe in Jesus."  But you can choose to give Him a try.  Just ask Him, "If it's true, if you are real, if you love me, if you died for me, if there is a heaven, I want to know.  Come into my heart and reveal Yourself to me, that I may know You and the power of your resurrection.  I really want to see.  In Jesus' name I ask this."  It is a worthy experiment.

Trust me. That is how I found Him.  There were no candles that night, no fireworks.  But I asked Him in.
The following morning, I told some friends what I had done.  The power of heaven filled my entire being and I have never been the same.

May I wish you a Happy Birthday?

Blessings and hugs, Anna Marie

What is coming out of my heart??

Do you ever just start to write, and have no idea what you want to say? You just want to express yourself. You just want to put a little of your heart out into the world and say," I am here! Hear me! I am alive!! I want to dance out loud, but only have two left feet so I am dancing with my words, dancing with my heart and hopefully dancing in the Light of the Lord with you!"

Today I choose to look up, reach out and fear not! Thank You Jesus for making me free!

You make it easy to be me!

Anxious to get my fingers dirty!!!

The sun has come out and the ground is muddy form a week's worth of steady rain. That is a real treat in San Antonio, TX!  I have so much to learn about what to plant in this climate! I love roses and peonies and hollyhocks and daisies. I watched my mom plant those gorgeous plants.  But here isn our semi-arid clime they need too much care.  If anyone has any suggestions for flowering plants have worked well for you in this area, I would love to hear about it.

And what the heck do we do with all the Esperanza seed pods????

Bless the Lord, Oh My Soul!

My soul longs to bless You, Father;

But at times my soul feels dead.

As I remember the saddest day of my life,

The day that Stevie died, I will bless You.

I bless You for Your tender kindness;

That You did not reject me in my anger towards You.

I bless You for the gift of Your Son, Jesus;

Who willingly laid down His life so that Stevie could be with You forever.

I bless You that even though we do not always receive that You "healeth all our diseases,"

Because You cannot lie- It is so.

I bless You by faith because my feelings, my soul's window, do not realize the fact of blessing today.

I bless You because I must.

I bless You in doubt.

I bless You in the rocky, dry, dusty barren places, where I find myself;

Like a lost sheep- in desperate need of a Shepherd.

This life is so short.

I bless You in the shortness, the shortness that spares our True selves- those born-again bits.

You are always present and always right on time;

In time to spare me from myself. Thank You.

But let me be a blessing to You and know that You adore me.

I want to see You look at me with tender affection;

To feel You pat my face, and stroke my hair, and hear You say,

"You have blessed Me, Child."

Roses

Reality is

Only as sure as the

Son.

Everyone can know Him.

Secretly, you know you want to.