If only! Small words, big emotions. Regret is a powerful feeling. The Bible calls it Godly sorrow that leads us to repent, or change the way we think and act. There are few emotions that have the power to bring change into the way we act or think like regret. I think I remember every action I have done that brought me to regret.
When I was very young, I had a teacher that I adored. I would always hang back in class when the other kids had left, just to get to talk with her one on one for a bit. Mrs. Holstrom. Second grade, Glenside Weldon elementary school, Glenside , PA. She was very grandmotherly. On the particular day of my first big regret, we had all been coloring pictures. During recess, Mrs. Holstrom had pinned all the pictures around the room for display. I was very proud of my coloring and was looking for a compliment. I noticed one picture in particular that was really scribbley.
"Who colored that one? It's not very good!" I asked smugly, expecting her to say something about how good mine was in comparison.
"I did! Now you just run along."
Regret for my words, shame and embarrassment washed over me. I thought I had hurt her feelings. 'If only I could take my words back.' That regret moved me to an understanding, albeit very childlike, of how our words can wound. I thought of this incident for years. Always the same feeling of regret. It wasn't until I was grown, that I realized that she had said that on purpose, and that she had been protecting a classmate. I have tried to not say things to others that would bring hurt because of this lesson. Thank you Mrs. Holstrom.
Recently, I was driving home from Austin, to San Antonio, down Hwy 281. There is a place just across a truss bridge spanning the Guadalupe river that brings me twinges of regret every time I cross the bridge. In fact, that regret is what got me thinking about writing this blog.
Several years ago, it was Spring, and the Texas wildflowers were the most glorious I had ever seen. It had been a year with just the right amount of rain to bring forth rainbows of colors lining all our highways and byways. I was on my way from San Antonio to Austin in the early morning. As I approached the bridge, the sunlight was low in the eastern sky and hitting the tops of the incredibly lush bright yellow Primroses, dappled here and there with magenta Winecups, and pink and yellow Indian Blankets. It looked like the field between the divided highway was on fire! The sky was gorgeous, the road was empty and the truss bridge made a perfect backdrop. I had the urge to pull over and take some pictures. But, I was in a hurry. I told myself that I would stop on the way home....
On the way home, it was cloudy, the flowers were not glorious. Traffic was heavy. I knew I had missed my opportunity...slight regret set in. Ever the optimist, I planned to come back the next week at the same early morning hour and try again. Imagine my dismay the next week when I drove to my glory spot, and there, destroying the beauty, was the construction of a McDonald's restaurant and gas station! I literally cried. I realized, with great regret, I had missed a once in a lifetime opportunity! I feel the regret every time I cross that bridge. (I wonder how long it will be before they tear down the bridge and put up an ugly concrete bridge!)
Thinking of regret and how powerful a teacher it is, I am reminded of the scripture where Jesus tells us to consider the lilies, and the grass of the field and sparrows that fall in death. Here today, gone tomorrow. Our Father cares for them, but how much more for us. I feel such deep regret about missing an amazing photo op, but what about the missed moments when I have seen someone in need or troubled and I walked on by or drove on by, because I was in a hurry.
These are the missed opportunities to follow Jesus, and like the rich young ruler, I turned sorrowfully (regretfully) away, because I had too many commitments. How much more does that regret cause pain?
To think that my disobedience to the moment may have eternal consequences for someone. I hope the memory of these regrets will prick my heart before I avert my eyes. I thank God, that He works all things together for my good, because I love Him and am called by Him for His purposes. And He does the same for you, too. I am thankful for regret, because it has been my teacher. I try to never miss opportunities. I try to live in the moment. I may not have another. I pray I never shrink back from an opportunity from God to worship, to glory in His creation, to serve those in my path, daily.
There are those whose philosophy is to live life without regret, to not take a second thought for mistakes. I think that leads to a hard heart. And actually, I welcome regret, when I make mistakes, because it keeps me tender and humble. Thanks Papa God for Your mercy!
Blessings, Anna Marie
