Thursday, January 27, 2011
Day 24! Content?
This is the first time Jack and I have done such a corporate fast. There are so many awesome people entering in and I have really been lifted up by the sharing going on both in person and through this amazing media of cyberspace connection!
But there has been a real struggle in me as well. I always embark on each fast as I do every trip I take. There is the anticipation of new discoveries, new friends to make and trials to overcome and live to tell about! This fast has certainly contained all those elements and then some, but with a major difference. The discoveries are not at all what I had been hoping for.
I am desperate for God. I long to have conversations with Him that go deep into His heart and give me revelation beyond words! Yet what I am discovering in my pursuit is that deep, quiet chasm, hidden in the darkness and a sense that this is what He is revealing to me: Noisy silence, emptiness overflowing and solitude, yet never alone.
Is this where He will leave me on this fast? I don't know. But I am hearing God speak to me in a new way through Paul's words to the Philippians,
"...for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4: 11-13 NKJV
I had always applied this passage to more temporal things. Tonight it rings in my soul, Be still! He is teaching me how to be abased, hungry and suffer the need for His touch.
I am Yours, Lord. Here I am. I am willing to just be. I love You. Lord.